OMG

Reading this sober is mortifying.

Uuuuuuugh

People everywhere still piss me off.

I got ghosted by an on/off "friend" of 1.5+ years. My reaction was to bleach my hair and crash diet until I'd lost 11 lbs. Did it re-attract his attention? No. Did I feel better? Actually, yes. Wrecked my hair, though. Literally. Would probably only recommend the 800 Kcal a weekday diet aspect of this demi-breakdown tbh.** (Brekkie: Coco shreddies, Lunch: snack cheese, 4 crackers, low cal crisps and maybe an apple, dinner: soup and 4 crackers diet plan. Actually not as hard to maintain as it sounds).

He's a douche but smarter than 90%+ of the people where I am so who am I to try and call the shots? Not my war to win. Correct use of an apostrophe is basically foreplay for me these days. I guess this is what pushing 30 feels like.

People are dumb where I'm from. "They emailed asking for an emailed copy of our forms. But there's no address on the case. What email address should I use?" THE ONE THEY FUCKING USED MAYBE?! MIGHT BE THEIR FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS?! SINCE THEY ARE, YOU KNOW, USING IT. Fucking cretins.

Or the legendary line used once in my office: 'I can't use that machine (a desktop franking machine) I'M TOO TALL'. Too. Fucking. Tall.

I think I stay here 'cause it makes me feel smart.



**For a bit for a crash diet. Not long term. You can't do long term. Sooner or later someone will mention a chippy tea and. You. Will. Cave. (and it will be glorious; you will regret nothing).

Owl Lady

So I guess we can just about change this blog's name to 'absolute cunts I have known'. Would not be inaccurate.

I once knew a cunt. I could easily have loved him. I was infatuated. T'was not to be. Now I am sad (again).

Also, I work with an owled eyed cunt who keeps telling the youngest team member
(>10 years to me vs the < me vs the rest of the team) that SHE IS AMAZING AND EVERYONE IS IN AWE OF HER. Like  yah, 10 years between me and your opinion; 25 years between me and the actual age gaps but FUCK IT you feel young again so praise dat 19 y'o'.

Oh Internet

...Today some dumb thing with a wang made me cry. Internet, please make it better?


**Edit to add** I found this:

Good job internet. I knew you'd know what to do :D

Sooo...

Yah. One of my good friends is older than me. And getting low on eggs, to be frank. She's just turned into a massive cunt kind of overnight. Is this a thing?

She's so nasty suddenly. I went for lunch with a mate and she's all 'HE'S NOT A REAL MAN THOUGH?!?!?!'. Like, it's lunch not defending my feudal lands so s'all good. I gave stuff up for lent and she's like 'YOU'RE GOING TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK ON IN A DAY. IT WON'T WORK'. Maybe it's about the spiritual journey? (No, it was about losing weight but like fuck will I tell her that now.) I was going out with another friend so she said "I can think of nothing WORSE than going out with her". Really? 'Cause you seem pissed that you were not involved.* I said I like truffles so apparently I have developed 'LA DI DAH TASTES' and am a flash bitch? Like, they're not cheap but they are in no way unaffordable. Any unhappiness you have with your life is not my fault, stop going at me, I've not done anything?


*disclaimer - she is not friends with this friend so it's not like we've left her out.

Goddamn..

Those Goddamn things with penises. I've made a horribly misjudged joke about an offhand comment made over lunch and now I'm listening to 'Be The One' on repeat and googling how to dye dark hair blonde. DON'T FUCK ME UP DUDE, I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU'D JUST LAUGH. Fucksake hard enough to get a text back on a good day.

Arseholes

Mmm'kay. I have a theme on here? But. Today I found out that people I went to school with still slag me down online. Ten.Years. Later. I mean, come on. If I stalk you periodically and you still flag enough to be on on my radar who is the real lameo? T'is not me. Move on. I am still in contact with the people I went to school with who I considered important/genuine (So about 5 of them max). If you've not been added to a facebook in 10 years at what point will you assume that this person doesn't want to be your friend?


And FYI is someone doesn't want to be a FB friend when on MS (MySpace), it might be because you tried it on (100 %, multiple times, refuse it however you want) it on with their joint 16 y/o  crush. Or just made a show of yourself. At Prom. With the aforementioned joint crush. BEL, YOU WERE A BIT OF A CUNT, JUST ADMIT IT.

Now, I've said this a lot but...

Forget everything I've written previously. I have *now* met the biggest cunt I've yet to meet. She doesn't log her phone in in the morning as she 'doesn't feel like it'. She wont work until 6 (the shift) because she 'doesn't want to'. She gives half her work away because she 'doesn't want to do it'. She asked me how to log her phone out yesterday. I said "push the log out button, and then the cross button, it's next to the blue button". THERE IS ONLY ONE BLUE BUTTON. She replied with "which blue button?" Which blue button?! Well, not the one on my fucking coat, Jackie. I. Swear. To God. Which blue button. Which blue eye more like as I am 1 more stupid comment away from decking the daft cow. Her uncle is boss so she thinks she can do what she wants. She is 60. She has been working there 5 months and asks me questions that I wouldn't expect to be asked after two weeks. And she has a fucking squeaky voice like she is voicing a shrew cartoon character. She needs to fuck off before I have a breakdown. My last boss pushed me to the brink and fucking Jackie may well topple me over the edge. And who is my boss out drinking with this weekend? My old boss. God. Hates. Me.


JUST FUCK OFF JACKIE.