Absolutely fucking raging at myself. I am a mug. Pure fucking mug. I have thrown 300% at a man. What has he given? 10% max. FOR. A. YEAR. But I still give.
Yes, two or three times I have deleted his number and deleted the text thread and said that's it but it all finds it's way back. At the moment his number just isn't saved and I have convinced myself that is feminism?
I check in with him at least once a week and sometimes he gratifies me with a reply and sometimes he just keeps playing Fortnite and I have to look up break up playlists on youtube. (#PillsNPotions). OH BUT HE IS SO MUCH KINDER THAN ANY OF THE OTHERS SO I MUST KEEP TRYING?!?! He is a douche but within a week max I will have backtracked no doubt. And yes, he is the no pudding guy from months ago. I WANTED A FUCKING CHEESECAKE. OR AT THE VERY LEAST A FUCKING TEXT BACK.
*** To clarify; I am not a complete moron - if you saw him with me you would think he adored me. He stutters. He stares as I walk away (so my trusted friends tell me). He is awkward beyond belief. But clearly too fucking awkward. What I convinced myself was love was apparently just plain old social anxiety. Story of my life.
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