Chipped nails

I get really frustrated when I see people whose nail varnish has chipped away and they've just left it. Seriously, it doesn't take two minutes to take your nail varnish off. I've yet to see one person who makes the 'raddish fingers' look work while they're trotting around with the top half of their nails pinky/red and the bottom half all raggedy looking where your nail varnish started chipping off over a week ago. I've no problem with keeping them painted, I like to keep mine painted, but it drives me nuts when people leave them looking scruffy.

It's the same as when I see people with liquid eyeliner that's not in a straight line. Struggling with the brush style applicators? Damn, if only you could get them in a pen style to ensure a smoother line. Makes me want to wipe it off and yell 'JUST STICK TO KOHL FFS!'

Google "privacy" posters

I noticed a particularly annoying google poster on the tube today. It was encouraging people to leave their cookies on their pc so that they can log in easier etc. Fair enough, entering your log in details every time you load a website is pretty annoying, I'll give them that. But the poster says it's like leaving ''a trail of bread crumbs'' everywhere you go so you can remember where you've been. Hmm, not quite like that, is it google? Not unless some corporate c*nt collected all of those crumbs I'd left, analysed them to see what kind of food they were from, and then sold that information on to everyone so that every time I opened my front door they were all there shouting 'HEY! HEY! YOU HAD A CHEESE ROLL ONCE. LOOK, I'VE GOT ONE HERE! BUY IT NOW! GOOGLE TOLD US ALL YOU LOVE THEM!'

Christmas is not in November...

I've been listening to Christmas music for about a week now. Part of me a disgusted with myself, but the majority of me isn't even sorry.

to tweet or not to tweet...

I'm getting so fed up of people walking straight at me or walking into me because they're plodding along playing with their phones. I want to smack their hands from the underneath so their phone goes flying and that text/tweet/facebook status they were in the middle of, which I'm sure not nothing dull or mundane like 'lol in ldn. is kwl. lol' becomes lost to the world.

That said you've got to be pretty dim to wander around central London and not pay attention to where you're going so this perhaps is Dawrinism at its finest. I think fairly soon the sight of people floating down the Thames frantically texting/tweeting/whatever 'is it rainin cuz im all wet now??but forgot my brolly.not lolz.' will become a common sight.

Mirror hogging

I'm getting really tired of having to fight my way past people preening themselves when I use public loos.

Please, your foundation was seven inches thick when you left the house and you've got so much mascara on you can't open your eyes fully, the last thing you need is more slap. I'm willing to bet there are trapped miners who've got a better oxygen supply than your pores. Just be gone and let me wash my hands without someone practising their pout over my shoulder.

Seat sharing

I always seem to find myself involuntarily sharing my seat on public transport. I'm sort of little (despite my fat arse) and don't take up a whole seat. This, apparently, is an invitation for anyone else in the carriage/on the bus/tube/whatever to use that left over space as they see fit.


The other day I was on the train and a man sat next to me, got out his paper and spread out. Dude, did you pay half towards my ticket? No? Well your elbows better back the fuck up then, hadn't they?


I didn't actually say that though as he genuinely spent a third of the journey, somewhat terrifyingly, plucking out his eyebrow hairs, another third indignantly pretending he had no idea why he was covered in eyebrow, and the final part of the journey reading his newspaper like he was doing the funky fucking chicken. In my space.

Fire alarms

I whole-heartedly believe that fire alarms are conspiring against me. I know they'd have you think that they're inanimate objects but I swear every time I'm in danger of having something go well off they go, like they know.

Take, for example, my French speaking test. All going well, no phrases I needed forgotten, all the French swearwords I know well and truly pushed to the back of my mind. All was going well, then, when I had about one minute left to speak for, *WEEEY OOO WEEEY OOO WEEEY OOO WEEEY OO*. Which you just can't make 'work' when talking about you home town. And this sadly meant that, rather than doing the obvious thing (which would be to send to tape in to be graded regardless then insist that there was no noise and it must have been a ghost or zombie or something), I had to re-do the whole thing. Which is always fun and in no way offputting or distracting.



Then one day I was waiting for important news, after much deliberation here came the outcome; 'okay, we've been talking about it and *WEEEY OOO WEEEY OOO WEEEY OOO* WE'LL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS LATER!' Oh good. I swear, that noise is the exact same noise satan makes when he climaxes.

Then just the other day a good looking guy kept looking over at me. Before he got any kind of chance to talk/smile/run away*, never one to let me down, off they went and we all got crammed into a crowd of zombie like people who really need to pray they're never caught in a real fire as they'd stand no chance at escaping, frankly.



*To be fair this was the most likely outcome but, hey, a girl can dream.

Timetables

So this years timetables are out and I have 4 classes. Two Tuesday, two Thursday. Both classes are at the same time and different campuses around half an hour away from each other. Which is great as just the other day I was bemoaning he fact that I just don't get enough chances to use my spiderman style agility to get from one place to another in mere seconds. Hooray.

Jogging bottoms

I'm getting sick of seeing people wearing jogging bottoms instead of proper trousers when they're out and about. I'm not talking about the people who walk home from the gym in them, but the ones who, for reasons unknown, think that they are an acceptable replacement for jeans etc. Especially if they're the fleecy ones that kind of look like pajama bottoms; come on now people - you could at least attempt to make an effort.

I know people argue that they're comfy to wear around the house blah blah blah, but so are the short shorts that I wear around the house in summer, doesn't mean I should keep them on when I pop to Sainsburys now, does it? Comfort does not equate social acceptablility, sadly.

I don't think it's a snob thing either, you can get jeans for about the same price these days, but then you can't tuck jeans into socks for that 'hardcore' look like you can jogging bottoms.

Pinball people

I've noticed that there's more and more people who apparently struggle to walk in a straight line now and instead just plod along swerving from one side of the street to the other as they go, I like to refer to them as 'pinball people' (or worse if dodging a herd of them is making me late). I don't get this. They must be heading somewhere, so why not, you know, aim for it.

The worst is people doing this with prams, they're the hardest to get around and a lot of them time they've got the 'pram = right of way so eff you' attitude. Which is nice in a way, because sometimes, even though you leave the house thinking you want to get to work/uni, what you really want to do is walk at a pace so slow it would disgust sloths and listen to some kid in a pram wailing.