Sooo...

Yah. One of my good friends is older than me. And getting low on eggs, to be frank. She's just turned into a massive cunt kind of overnight. Is this a thing?

She's so nasty suddenly. I went for lunch with a mate and she's all 'HE'S NOT A REAL MAN THOUGH?!?!?!'. Like, it's lunch not defending my feudal lands so s'all good. I gave stuff up for lent and she's like 'YOU'RE GOING TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK ON IN A DAY. IT WON'T WORK'. Maybe it's about the spiritual journey? (No, it was about losing weight but like fuck will I tell her that now.) I was going out with another friend so she said "I can think of nothing WORSE than going out with her". Really? 'Cause you seem pissed that you were not involved.* I said I like truffles so apparently I have developed 'LA DI DAH TASTES' and am a flash bitch? Like, they're not cheap but they are in no way unaffordable. Any unhappiness you have with your life is not my fault, stop going at me, I've not done anything?


*disclaimer - she is not friends with this friend so it's not like we've left her out.

Goddamn..

Those Goddamn things with penises. I've made a horribly misjudged joke about an offhand comment made over lunch and now I'm listening to 'Be The One' on repeat and googling how to dye dark hair blonde. DON'T FUCK ME UP DUDE, I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU'D JUST LAUGH. Fucksake hard enough to get a text back on a good day.

Arseholes

Mmm'kay. I have a theme on here? But. Today I found out that people I went to school with still slag me down online. Ten.Years. Later. I mean, come on. If I stalk you periodically and you still flag enough to be on on my radar who is the real lameo? T'is not me. Move on. I am still in contact with the people I went to school with who I considered important/genuine (So about 5 of them max). If you've not been added to a facebook in 10 years at what point will you assume that this person doesn't want to be your friend?


And FYI is someone doesn't want to be a FB friend when on MS (MySpace), it might be because you tried it on (100 %, multiple times, refuse it however you want) it on with their joint 16 y/o  crush. Or just made a show of yourself. At Prom. With the aforementioned joint crush. BEL, YOU WERE A BIT OF A CUNT, JUST ADMIT IT.

Now, I've said this a lot but...

Forget everything I've written previously. I have *now* met the biggest cunt I've yet to meet. She doesn't log her phone in in the morning as she 'doesn't feel like it'. She wont work until 6 (the shift) because she 'doesn't want to'. She gives half her work away because she 'doesn't want to do it'. She asked me how to log her phone out yesterday. I said "push the log out button, and then the cross button, it's next to the blue button". THERE IS ONLY ONE BLUE BUTTON. She replied with "which blue button?" Which blue button?! Well, not the one on my fucking coat, Jackie. I. Swear. To God. Which blue button. Which blue eye more like as I am 1 more stupid comment away from decking the daft cow. Her uncle is boss so she thinks she can do what she wants. She is 60. She has been working there 5 months and asks me questions that I wouldn't expect to be asked after two weeks. And she has a fucking squeaky voice like she is voicing a shrew cartoon character. She needs to fuck off before I have a breakdown. My last boss pushed me to the brink and fucking Jackie may well topple me over the edge. And who is my boss out drinking with this weekend? My old boss. God. Hates. Me.


JUST FUCK OFF JACKIE.

Getting Older

Oooooh God. I now have to interact with 19-21 year olds. And I get on with them and they are good people and funny BUT HOLY FUCK WTF ARE THEY ON ABOUT?! I get why people don't like getting older now because I fucking don't either.

One of them is going to "paintworks" this weekend but apparently that doesn't involve decorating or periods specifically, just D.Js. Fuuuuuck.

I had to describe a Nokia 3310 to them earlier, which is ironic as they will outlast the pair of us.

Oh my God I don't want to be old?! And this is the future. This is scary. From now on I will only get further away from it all. I may ask for botox and a youth dictionary for Xmas. hashtag I Still Got It ?!?!?

I am mad at myself.

Absolutely fucking raging at myself. I am a mug. Pure fucking mug. I have thrown 300% at a man. What has he given? 10% max. FOR. A. YEAR. But I still give.

Yes, two or three times I have deleted his number and deleted the text thread and said that's it but it all finds it's way back. At the moment his number just isn't saved and I have convinced myself that is feminism?

I check in with him at least once a week and sometimes he gratifies me with a reply and sometimes he just keeps playing Fortnite and I have to look up break up playlists on youtube. (#PillsNPotions). OH BUT HE IS SO MUCH KINDER THAN ANY OF THE OTHERS SO I MUST KEEP TRYING?!?! He is a douche but within a week max I will have backtracked no doubt. And yes, he is the no pudding guy from months ago. I WANTED A FUCKING CHEESECAKE. OR AT THE VERY LEAST A FUCKING TEXT BACK.

*** To clarify; I am not a complete moron - if you saw him with me you would think he adored me. He stutters. He stares as I walk away (so my trusted friends tell me). He is awkward beyond belief. But clearly too fucking awkward. What I convinced myself was love was apparently just plain old social anxiety. Story of my life.

You know what is bullshit?

Lean in close, little ones; I will tell you what is bullshit.

From a very early age I wanted to be an Egpytologist. I knew from about 7 that this was my destiny. I was put on this Earth to find Imoteph's* tomb, or so I believed. When I got older I realised that I wasn't being drawn to ancient Egypt by anything special; it was an incredibly interesting culture that most people are drawn in to. So I thought: fuck it. Do a degree in something vague that will be broadly useful as opposed to something specific that you can't use in the future. One journalism degree and a few years in a dead end job later and I'm thinking 'fuck it all, get a masters in Egyptology and live your life grrrl; what is there to lose?'. Well, fucking everything as since I didn't do a degree in history it looks like I won't be getting my dream masters.

A fluke choice at 18 and my dream got fucked up the ass. BULL.SHIT. At 18 I didn't know how much I could even drink, let alone what would have half a chance at making me happy FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE. Fucking UCAS choices. You should take them at 30 when you have some idea of what gives you long term satisfaction.


*SHOUT OUT TO THE WORLD'S FIRST GENIUS; I STILL HEAR YA DUDE.

 

 

 

 

*UPDATE FROM 2018*

 

Hahahahahaha Now I've got a masters, with a great dissertation score. Hellooooooo, job market, AMIRITE?! No. no you're not 'rite', because *now* a fucking forklift license would help me secure a job. Oh, those elitists, always shifting the goalposts.