Fucking hell

I've just found out that the guy, THE. GUY. From my high school. The hottie we all (well, me and my alleged best friend) were crushing on (until we realised we both liked him and I said 'Hmmm, I'm sure he doesn't even like me so you go for it' and she said 'Oh really, KThxBye' and a bond was Obliterated) has got a receding hairline now. 

 MY own mortality has just sent an icy breath down my neck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit I've got to get a center parting or something, try to drag my heels in the old aging process.  

This is so depressing, I can see why people who can afford it go wild with the old Botox/face lift/ass lift etc. 

 

*edit* that said, as I was finishing this post Dolly Parton 'Better Get To Livin' ' just came on so a sign maybe...? From God? Dolly? Both?

 

Sooo...

Yah. One of my good friends is older than me. And getting low on eggs, to be frank. She's just turned into a massive cunt kind of overnight. Is this a thing?

She's so nasty suddenly. I went for lunch with a mate and she's all 'HE'S NOT A REAL MAN THOUGH?!?!?!'. Like, it's lunch not defending my feudal lands so s'all good. I gave stuff up for lent and she's like 'YOU'RE GOING TO PUT EVERYTHING BACK ON IN A DAY. IT WON'T WORK'. Maybe it's about the spiritual journey? (No, it was about losing weight but like fuck will I tell her that now.) I was going out with another friend so she said "I can think of nothing WORSE than going out with her". Really? 'Cause you seem pissed that you were not involved.* I said I like truffles so apparently I have developed 'LA DI DAH TASTES' and am a flash bitch? Like, they're not cheap but they are in no way unaffordable. Any unhappiness you have with your life is not my fault, stop going at me, I've not done anything?


*disclaimer - she is not friends with this friend so it's not like we've left her out.

Arseholes

Mmm'kay. I have a theme on here? But. Today I found out that people I went to school with still slag me down online. Ten.Years. Later. I mean, come on. If I stalk you periodically and you still flag enough to be on on my radar who is the real lameo? T'is not me. Move on. I am still in contact with the people I went to school with who I considered important/genuine (So about 5 of them max). If you've not been added to a facebook in 10 years at what point will you assume that this person doesn't want to be your friend?


And FYI is someone doesn't want to be a FB friend when on MS (MySpace), it might be because you tried it on (100 %, multiple times, refuse it however you want) it on with their joint 16 y/o  crush. Or just made a show of yourself. At Prom. With the aforementioned joint crush. BEL, YOU WERE A BIT OF A CUNT, JUST ADMIT IT.

Getting Older

Oooooh God. I now have to interact with 19-21 year olds. And I get on with them and they are good people and funny BUT HOLY FUCK WTF ARE THEY ON ABOUT?! I get why people don't like getting older now because I fucking don't either.

One of them is going to "paintworks" this weekend but apparently that doesn't involve decorating or periods specifically, just D.Js. Fuuuuuck.

I had to describe a Nokia 3310 to them earlier, which is ironic as they will outlast the pair of us.

Oh my God I don't want to be old?! And this is the future. This is scary. From now on I will only get further away from it all. I may ask for botox and a youth dictionary for Xmas. hashtag I Still Got It ?!?!?

Shame, Shame, I know your name

Oh. My. God.

I just met a 20 y/o. Oh my God. I want to apologise to everyone I crossed paths with when I was 20 if I was ever half the **See You Next Tuesday** she is. Though to be honest she gets on my last tit so I don't think I was half as bad as she is.

She is vegan but if she has a bad day then she is not vegan and eats chocolate. Because fuck cows, the dairy industry is less cruel if you are a tad miffed with your day, generally. She thought no-one had heard the acronym 'YOLO' until today when she said it. I hope she breeds with the guy from my previous post so that fate has an easier bloodline to target.

When I started where I work I couldn't understand why women were, generally, hostile towards me. But she's started now. And as my boss keeps saying I am "getting on a bit now" (27 mother-fucking-hell). So I guess I am in a position that some were in when I joined; not old but a different generation to the youngest.

I do not get why they were bitchy tbh.

Do men old enough to be your dad no longer give you their full attention? Fucking good. Weird creeps. Do they now bestow it on someone possibly young enough to be a grandchild? Maybe. That's their therapy session, not yours. Pervy Pervos; you keep focusing on whoever you want to smash. That's your jam, run with it. Just leave me be.

Two many people who carn't spell well

I think that the only thing worse than being around people (with English as their first language) who make basic spelling/grammar mistakes is working for them.

Where I work (shockingly, for a fairly large company) people got where they are through sycophancy rather than skill, intelligence or indeed any apparent redeemable quality in some cases. I know, I know, I should just play the game too; fluff a few egos (or worse) and I could have some silly titled job myself. I could be the assistant project planner for the HR, health and safety & environment project directive planner or something. But I wouldn't be the best person for that job (mainly because even though that's a title of my own creation I have no idea what it would entail outside of planning) and jobs should go to the best person for them. Not your mate. Not whoever is willing to put out to get it. Not the nearest person to you in the room when you put up the advert. Not the first person you see who doesn't look like they'll not bite or wee on the seat.

But that's not how my workplace rolls. Oh no. So now we have managers who voted for the political party who uses their favourite colours and managers who can't use there/their/too/two/to etc. And they all lord it about, on twice my salary getting us 'plebs' to do as much of their work as they can get away with. And no-one can complain because the people you'd complain to hired them.

It's a sad old world.

(unless you kiss butt)

Facebook fwends

Okay, so this whole rant could be fairly easily remedied by just, you know, not having a facebook, but I need to stalk a special few somehow and peeping on profile pages is more convenient than peeping through windows for all involved ;).

I guess this gripe could be stretched out over the internet as a whole. There's something about it that encourages people to assume a higher level of familiarity then they would ever even attempt to recreate in real life. There's people that I work with that I have spoken to about 3 times in the three years I've been working there who think nothing of sending friend requests on all social media platforms. I know that this happens everyday everywhere but when you step back and really look at it it's bloody weird.

A friend request says "I want to see you holiday photos". It says "I want to read what your plans are for this weekend". "I want to know what's going on with your friends/love life/ family etc". "I want to know which Disney princess that quiz says you are most like" and so on. Which is pretty weird. People I've not spoken to in years would never randomly approach me in the street and ask me what the last funny video I watched on youtube was, that'd be weird and they'd look nuts. But online it's okay to do that because...it's not in person I guess?

Maybe if we lived in a more anonymous society we'd all do this? If we had a carnival period, like Venice, and we all went around in cloaks and masks for a month maybe we'd get more people we - apparently - know shouting 'I LIKE THAT PHOTO OF YOU AS A BABY!' *thumbs up* ? To be fair if that's the alternative I'll stick with facebook (casually not noticing the virtual strangers who've friend requested me).

Google "privacy" posters

I noticed a particularly annoying google poster on the tube today. It was encouraging people to leave their cookies on their pc so that they can log in easier etc. Fair enough, entering your log in details every time you load a website is pretty annoying, I'll give them that. But the poster says it's like leaving ''a trail of bread crumbs'' everywhere you go so you can remember where you've been. Hmm, not quite like that, is it google? Not unless some corporate c*nt collected all of those crumbs I'd left, analysed them to see what kind of food they were from, and then sold that information on to everyone so that every time I opened my front door they were all there shouting 'HEY! HEY! YOU HAD A CHEESE ROLL ONCE. LOOK, I'VE GOT ONE HERE! BUY IT NOW! GOOGLE TOLD US ALL YOU LOVE THEM!'

to tweet or not to tweet...

I'm getting so fed up of people walking straight at me or walking into me because they're plodding along playing with their phones. I want to smack their hands from the underneath so their phone goes flying and that text/tweet/facebook status they were in the middle of, which I'm sure not nothing dull or mundane like 'lol in ldn. is kwl. lol' becomes lost to the world.

That said you've got to be pretty dim to wander around central London and not pay attention to where you're going so this perhaps is Dawrinism at its finest. I think fairly soon the sight of people floating down the Thames frantically texting/tweeting/whatever 'is it rainin cuz im all wet now??but forgot my brolly.not lolz.' will become a common sight.

Outings

Why do people never cancel until the shortest possible notice?

Like when you say 'oh shall we go see 'x'' and they say 'oh yeah, sure', then either the day before or on the the day, you go to check plans and it's 'oh, sorry yeah don't really have the money'. Fair enough, but I doubt that you didn't know that you had no money when we arranged this, so why say yes in the first place? This week I have lost two (paid for)play tickets, missed a gig and will now be missing a filming. Is it so difficult to just say 'no, I don't really fancy that' or 'I'm busy so I can't, sorry' when an idea is suggested? Apparently so...

When I die, bury my under a busy street so that my resting place can be an ironic yet perfect metaphor for how my life has been lived.

Student bloody finance

I think almost every student nods wisely and and has an 'ah, yeah' moment when they see that name now.

I do not understand how one company can be so awful. I had more than enough hassle with them when first setting up my loan (was assured that it was on the pile to be processed, then had them turn around in September to tell me that they had, in fact, not received anything. Thanks for that). I figured this year would be much easier, all I have to do is sign something and send it off to them, but with them even that is painfully difficult.

It's been lost in the post (in fairness, that's not their fault), but it is their fault that it's incredibly hard to actually contact them. I find it very hard to believe that a company that encourages you to do as much of the application process online doesn't have an email. Or an address you can easily write to (they, rather conveniently, tend to lose a lot of things posted to them).

Oh no, the only way you can get through to them is by phoning into their call centre and sitting on hold like a muppet for 10 minutes, if you can even get through. They're not stupid, there's a lot of people out there who have no choice but to talk to them, why not milk the incompetence for all it's worth and make 'em pay to phone in too?

I'm only on pay as you go, so it looks like I'm going to have to spend God knows how much trying to get through to them, possibly to only be fobbed off when i do get through or cut off as my credit runs out. No doubt I'll be advised to leave it a few weeks and phone back then in case the post is just slow, as I was last year every fortnight for about 3 months (maybe they use lame pigeons for all of their post and 3 months is considered a good/conceivable postal turnaround to them?).