Maskssssss

 If masks are no longer mandatory in certain contexts, but you choose to still wear one and just pull it down over your nose - yet you don't pull your pants up but poke your dick out or put a bra on and poke your tits out - why?! Imagine being that half arsedly committed to anarchy. Anarchy if no-one is looking. Anarchy if 'the man' says you can. Anarchy if that suits everyone else today, if not, tomorrow is fine? JUST WEAR YOUR MASK PROPERLY; I HAD A GERM OCD BEFORE THIS AND THE LAST 18 OR SO MONTHS HAVE. NOT. HELPED. Wear one or do not wear one. Just don't try to be clever about going with the flow. You can't sit on the fence here, you've got to pick a side. It's doing my damn head in.

Ugggh

Ok. I'm back at work. Wondering everyday if I should email the guy I work with (who has blanked me - Well let's be fair ignored me socially but stared at me everytime we're in the same room WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?-  since our last date 1 + year ago) if he's survivied the pandemic ok out of curtesy. So I'm that British, apparently.

Also, My company gave me the opportunity to EFF THEM UP (Comms sent a draft copy to be released to public instead of the final copy). I flagged it 'n' fixed it. THEN I find out they screwed over my work BFFL. RAGING. YOU'D BE IN THE SOCIAL MEDIA SEWER IF I'D NOT FORSEEN THIS. YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ME TO REMOVE YOUR WORD COMMENTS INSERTS FROM YOUR 'FINAL' COPY. CUUUUNTS. THINKING OF WAY TO RELEASE THE ORIGINAL WITHOUT BEING SACKED.

Uuuuuuugh

People everywhere still piss me off.

I got ghosted by an on/off "friend" of 1.5+ years. My reaction was to bleach my hair and crash diet until I'd lost 11 lbs. Did it re-attract his attention? No. Did I feel better? Actually, yes. Wrecked my hair, though. Literally. Would probably only recommend the 800 Kcal a weekday diet aspect of this demi-breakdown tbh.** (Brekkie: Coco shreddies, Lunch: snack cheese, 4 crackers, low cal crisps and maybe an apple, dinner: soup and 4 crackers diet plan. Actually not as hard to maintain as it sounds).

He's a douche but smarter than 90%+ of the people where I am so who am I to try and call the shots? Not my war to win. Correct use of an apostrophe is basically foreplay for me these days. I guess this is what pushing 30 feels like.

People are dumb where I'm from. "They emailed asking for an emailed copy of our forms. But there's no address on the case. What email address should I use?" THE ONE THEY FUCKING USED MAYBE?! MIGHT BE THEIR FUCKING EMAIL ADDRESS?! SINCE THEY ARE, YOU KNOW, USING IT. Fucking cretins.

Or the legendary line used once in my office: 'I can't use that machine (a desktop franking machine) I'M TOO TALL'. Too. Fucking. Tall.

I think I stay here 'cause it makes me feel smart.



**For a bit for a crash diet. Not long term. You can't do long term. Sooner or later someone will mention a chippy tea and. You. Will. Cave. (and it will be glorious; you will regret nothing).

Now, I've said this a lot but...

Forget everything I've written previously. I have *now* met the biggest cunt I've yet to meet. She doesn't log her phone in in the morning as she 'doesn't feel like it'. She wont work until 6 (the shift) because she 'doesn't want to'. She gives half her work away because she 'doesn't want to do it'. She asked me how to log her phone out yesterday. I said "push the log out button, and then the cross button, it's next to the blue button". THERE IS ONLY ONE BLUE BUTTON. She replied with "which blue button?" Which blue button?! Well, not the one on my fucking coat, Jackie. I. Swear. To God. Which blue button. Which blue eye more like as I am 1 more stupid comment away from decking the daft cow. Her uncle is boss so she thinks she can do what she wants. She is 60. She has been working there 5 months and asks me questions that I wouldn't expect to be asked after two weeks. And she has a fucking squeaky voice like she is voicing a shrew cartoon character. She needs to fuck off before I have a breakdown. My last boss pushed me to the brink and fucking Jackie may well topple me over the edge. And who is my boss out drinking with this weekend? My old boss. God. Hates. Me.


JUST FUCK OFF JACKIE.

Shame, Shame, I know your name

Oh. My. God.

I just met a 20 y/o. Oh my God. I want to apologise to everyone I crossed paths with when I was 20 if I was ever half the **See You Next Tuesday** she is. Though to be honest she gets on my last tit so I don't think I was half as bad as she is.

She is vegan but if she has a bad day then she is not vegan and eats chocolate. Because fuck cows, the dairy industry is less cruel if you are a tad miffed with your day, generally. She thought no-one had heard the acronym 'YOLO' until today when she said it. I hope she breeds with the guy from my previous post so that fate has an easier bloodline to target.

When I started where I work I couldn't understand why women were, generally, hostile towards me. But she's started now. And as my boss keeps saying I am "getting on a bit now" (27 mother-fucking-hell). So I guess I am in a position that some were in when I joined; not old but a different generation to the youngest.

I do not get why they were bitchy tbh.

Do men old enough to be your dad no longer give you their full attention? Fucking good. Weird creeps. Do they now bestow it on someone possibly young enough to be a grandchild? Maybe. That's their therapy session, not yours. Pervy Pervos; you keep focusing on whoever you want to smash. That's your jam, run with it. Just leave me be.

Two many people who carn't spell well

I think that the only thing worse than being around people (with English as their first language) who make basic spelling/grammar mistakes is working for them.

Where I work (shockingly, for a fairly large company) people got where they are through sycophancy rather than skill, intelligence or indeed any apparent redeemable quality in some cases. I know, I know, I should just play the game too; fluff a few egos (or worse) and I could have some silly titled job myself. I could be the assistant project planner for the HR, health and safety & environment project directive planner or something. But I wouldn't be the best person for that job (mainly because even though that's a title of my own creation I have no idea what it would entail outside of planning) and jobs should go to the best person for them. Not your mate. Not whoever is willing to put out to get it. Not the nearest person to you in the room when you put up the advert. Not the first person you see who doesn't look like they'll not bite or wee on the seat.

But that's not how my workplace rolls. Oh no. So now we have managers who voted for the political party who uses their favourite colours and managers who can't use there/their/too/two/to etc. And they all lord it about, on twice my salary getting us 'plebs' to do as much of their work as they can get away with. And no-one can complain because the people you'd complain to hired them.

It's a sad old world.

(unless you kiss butt)

Packin' it

What is it about having a penis that leaves you unable to pack a bag properly? Every time I go food shopping i dread not getting a self serve till (the nearest shop to me just calls you up if they think too many people are queueing for self serve you see). I swear every man who works there approaches a bag the way the Swedish chef approaches a stew pot, they flail about a bit and in everything goes in no order and with no delicacy whatsoever. Which is awesome, as I much prefer it if any cake I get had been squashed by a bottle of water - saves me chewing, eh? Bruised fruit is always better too, clearly where I live unbruised fruit and veg is for squares and pansies.

Student bloody finance

I think almost every student nods wisely and and has an 'ah, yeah' moment when they see that name now.

I do not understand how one company can be so awful. I had more than enough hassle with them when first setting up my loan (was assured that it was on the pile to be processed, then had them turn around in September to tell me that they had, in fact, not received anything. Thanks for that). I figured this year would be much easier, all I have to do is sign something and send it off to them, but with them even that is painfully difficult.

It's been lost in the post (in fairness, that's not their fault), but it is their fault that it's incredibly hard to actually contact them. I find it very hard to believe that a company that encourages you to do as much of the application process online doesn't have an email. Or an address you can easily write to (they, rather conveniently, tend to lose a lot of things posted to them).

Oh no, the only way you can get through to them is by phoning into their call centre and sitting on hold like a muppet for 10 minutes, if you can even get through. They're not stupid, there's a lot of people out there who have no choice but to talk to them, why not milk the incompetence for all it's worth and make 'em pay to phone in too?

I'm only on pay as you go, so it looks like I'm going to have to spend God knows how much trying to get through to them, possibly to only be fobbed off when i do get through or cut off as my credit runs out. No doubt I'll be advised to leave it a few weeks and phone back then in case the post is just slow, as I was last year every fortnight for about 3 months (maybe they use lame pigeons for all of their post and 3 months is considered a good/conceivable postal turnaround to them?).